My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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