so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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