also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize