Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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