You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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