i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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