Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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