Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I will pee on everything he values.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
