Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
