Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
