Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Girls should come with a carfax report

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(207): View more from Maine

I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

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(512): View more from Texas

It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.

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(360): View more from Washington

have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.

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