I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
