I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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