I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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