At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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