If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
