if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
