TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
