Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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