My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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