We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I forget how to act sober
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
