my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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