I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
