my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
