heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
