remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
