I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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