I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
