my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
