before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dick very happy bro
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
