but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
