If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.