You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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