Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning