i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
they're like a gay fantastic four
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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