I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
