Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
