I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
