We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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