I'd wear matching sweaters with you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
