Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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