It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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