kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize