Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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