When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
