Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
