it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
