just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
