oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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