hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
