So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
