my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
