Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
