im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
