i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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