He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
