I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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