i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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