Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
