rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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