I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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