Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
