i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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