dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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