So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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