I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
