google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
