Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
