You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.