I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
