shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
