If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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