I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
